Jonah Hill’s deadly date

NEW YORK—Jonah Hill has been on the market since his split from Ali Hoffman (Dustin’s daughter), and following a recent date it looks like the dry spell will continue a little longer. Hill apparently took a brunette to Joe’s Shanghai Restaurant in New York and, according to the New York Post, was trying “really hard to woo her” when something strange happened.

“A man a table over leaned in and told Jonah, ‘I buried my dad today, and I just want to say you’re gonna be one of the greats,’ “ the Post quotes a witness as saying. 

Jonah told him, ‘Well, that’s horrible,’ and the guy just goes, ‘No, it’s fine, it’s just great to meet you.’ ”

No, it wasn’t an attempt for Hill to make himself look good in front of his date; none of it was planned. It’s unclear whether the encounter helped Hill in his “wooing,” but at least it seemed to help one person with his mourning.

May the Schwartz be with you

Nathan Schwartz, 12, of Miami has been attending rap concerts with his father since he was 6. After the shows, the boy has made it a habit to take pictures with the artists and upload them to his lively Instagram account (@natedoggschwartz). Schwartz has photos with artists such as Kanye West, Jay-Z, Nicki Minaj and T-Pain, not to mention Bill Clinton—the ex-president, not a rapper.

Vice magazine interviewed him April 5 and revealed that Nathan has a bodyguard because he gets some threats—“ ‘if you don’t get me to meet Wayne imma fuk u up’ and stuff like that. It’s a cold world out there,” Nathan told the magazine, adding that he “respects the haters.” 

He also wants to be a big music executive. And, most important, he never smoked with Wiz Khalifa.

“Dude I’m 12 years old! I’ve been with him while he smoked. But I ain’t smoke,” he told Vice.

A glance at the photos reveals a goofy-looking kid with an evolving jewfro and an awkward grin. Basically all of us when we were 12, but Schwartz is just doin’ it right.

Shia LaBeouf’s (nice) wish for Baldwin

Shia LaBeouf apparently wasn’t through with Alec Baldwin or the Broadway play “Orphans.” Two weeks ago, LeBeouf was on hand for the first preview of the show from which he was forced out following a feud with Baldwin as they prepared for the production.

LaBeouf sat in the first row and watched his replacement, Ben Foster. And he was the first person to rise for the standing ovation. He says he bought a ticket and showed up “as a fan.”

It remains unclear what he was trying to accomplish, but during an April 8 interview with David Letterman, LaBeouf decided it was time to set the record straight.

When Letterman confronted him about the feud, suggesting a scenario in which “Alec went to the producers and said, ‘I can’t take it another day, fire him,’ ”LaBeouf confirmed the “Late Night” host’s suspicions. Afterward, showing a somewhat apologetic side, LaBeouf called Baldwin a great actor and wished him the “best of luck.”

So is that the end? Ball’s in your court, Baldwin!

From Amy Winehouse’s dad, a suggestion to Beyonce

Beyonce will be covering the hit Amy Winehouse hit song “Back to Black” for the soundtrack to the upcoming film adaptation of “The Great Gatsby,” it was announced a few days ago. 

Mitch Winehouse, the father of the late Jewish singer, decided to share his thoughts with Amy’s fans on Twitter. Despite the protest of many fans, Winehouse admitted that the Beyonce version is “not bad at all,” but suggested an interesting way for Queen B to honor Amy.

“What if Beyonce gave 100,000 pounds [about $153,000] to Amy’s foundation,” he said. “Do you know how many kids that would help? Just putting it out there.”

No response so far from Beyonce’s side, probably because she is still dealing with the backlash of her recent visit to Cuba.

Sandra Bernhard officiates at gay wedding

Comedian and musician Sandra Bernhard has added another profession to her resume—marriage official.

Bernhard, who was ordained by the Universal Life ministry service (we can all do it, seriously), officiated recently at the wedding of Georgi Dimitrov Balinov and Bradford Shane Shellhammer, both of Manhattan. The wedding took place at the Russian Tea Room in New York over last weekend, and Bernard, an avid gay rights supporter, introduced the couple saying, “It all began as all good gay-boy relationships do—at Equinox on Greenwich Avenue!”

Balinov is the VP for investment banking at Bank of America Merrill Lynch, and Shellhammer is the founder of the awesome design shopping site Fab.com.

Joan Rivers won’t apologize

A few weeks ago, television host/big mouth Joan Rivers stirred more controversy than usual when she commented on Adele’s weight during an interview with David Letterman. One of the more memorable quotes was when Rivers quipped, ”What is her song? ‘Rolling in The Deep’? She should add fried chicken!”

Classic Joan. And what’s even more classy? She won’t apologize. In fact, in a recent interview with The Huffington Post, Rivers said, ”She’s a chubby lady who’s very, very rich, and she should just calm down—or lose weight!”

“Adele is beautiful and successful,” Rivers added. “Let’s face reality: She’s fat!”

Those familiar with Rivers aren’t surprised by the incendiary comments, which include a Holocaust reference describing an outfit worn by Heidi Klum for which she also has not apologized. Nor is she the first to comment on Adele’s weight.

Lady Gaga in a Stylist interview in November 2011 said ”Adele is bigger than me, how come nobody says anything about it?”

“She’s so wonderful and I think her confidence is something I have to match,” Gaga said. “She has set the bar very high for a lot of woman. I need to be a confident woman and just say politically active things when I can that are helpful to young people.”

I’m sure Adele cares as she stares at her Grammys, Golden Globe and Oscar.

Ron Jeremy is back and (almost) fully functional

More than a month after being hospitalized with an aneurysm near his heart, Jewish porn legend Ron Jeremy is back to work. In an interview April 9 with CNN, Jeremy acknowledged the health scare was “really spooky. I guess no heart problem comes at the right time, but this was just a big disaster.”

The aneurysm isn’t stopping Jeremy from filming ”Jessica Drake’s Guide to Wicked Sex: Legends,” but things aren’t as they used to be for him. “I’m taking blood pressure medicine now and I was able to do it, but my scenes aren’t as good as they used to be,” he admitted. “I don’t get the full massive. If I could be so specific, CNN, it bends a little. But it felt good being back in the saddle.”

Good to know. Jeremy seems quite concerned about his situation, especially because he maintains a healthy lifestyle. Unless you count all the sex. We don’t. 

”It really bugs me,” Jeremy said, ”It really actually bothers me because I don’t smoke, I barely drink, I don’t touch drugs. I had none of those horrible habits and I still got this horrendous heart problem: aortic dissection, or aortic aneurysm dissection.”

There is one positive to come from the situation: the response of his fans.

“People used to come up to me [and say], can I see your penis or God knows what I used to hear,” he said. “Now it’s, how’s your rehab coming along? We’re glad you’re OK.”

So are we, Ron.

When Lindsay met Avi

The world’s biggest mean/bad girl apparently is dating an Israeli man.

Lindsay Lohan, who’s been in and out of court since forever, reportedly is dating Avi Snow, an American who made aliyah at 15 and served in the Israeli army. Snow, 24, is the guitarist for the rock band City of the Sun, and recent paparazzi reports connected the two.

That surprised Snow, who told Ynet, “Until the photos were published, I did not know we were together; it’s very new.”

He says they met through mutual friends and at first were just friends.

“With time it developed,” Snow said. “It does not thrill me that much that I’m dating Lindsey. I’m dating her because she is a great girl.”

Snow isn’t Lohan’s first Israeli significant other. In the summer of 2010, she was dating an Israeli woman named Eilat Anschel. Snow says that Lohan has “only good things to say about Israel. She supports us and even told me she plans to visit Israel.”

Is that a good thing? Not sure.

Lohan’s escapades don’t seem to faze Snow, who says, “It’s not as though Lindsay has not made mistakes, but we all do. A lot of her image is the media’s fault; they need to sell it in order to sell papers.

“Not everything people hear or read about Lindsay is true. Lindsay is really a great girl, otherwise I wouldn’t be dating her.”

Lohan doesn’t seem to care that Snow is Israeli and Jewish (parallels, people). And neither does her mother.

”I don’t think she minds that I’m Jewish or Israeli,” Snow says. “Actually, I don’t think it bothers anyone that I’m Jewish and Israeli.” Phew.

‘Teen Mom’ and James Deen

MTV’s popular trash reality television show “Teen Mom” finally has a Jewish connection: Season 1/3 alumna Farrah Abraham, who is not Jewish but has been looking for love on JDate and briefly dated a 34-year-old Jewish man, again has turned to the wonderful world of Jewish men—to porn star James Deen.

According to TMZ, Abraham and Deen filmed a sex tape on April 7 and are now trying to sell it to porn companies. In addition, the two were spotted outside the office of Vivid Entertainment holding hands.

“Word travels fast; it isn’t even edited yet,” Deen said, adding that their relationship is strictly limited to the porn set. “[We are] definitely not dating. Got tested together on Friday and then saw her on set. That is my only experience with the lady.”

TMZ also reports that the video actually is impressive. Vivid President Steve Hirsch called it “amazing,” adding that “I’m doing everything in my power to get the rights to put it out.”

Keep it classy, Farrah!

For more Jewish entertainment news, visit 6nobacon.com, the illegitimate child of JTA.