My frustration is overwhelming, is your's too?

Antisemitism is on the rise across America and all over the world.

What are Orlando Jews feeling and what can we do about it in these tumultuous times?

I’ve realized since Oct. 7, with the massacre in Israel and the terrible war raging in the Middle East, I’ve been living with terrible feelings of disbelief, anger, frustration, depression and angst. These emotions are all related in a vicious cycle.

First disbelief. It’s difficult to conceive of the level of evil perpetrated by Hamas on Oct 7 and painful to witness the death of civilians in Gaza since then. Anger at the horrendous murder of Israelis leads to a need to do something. But there’s not much we can do from Orlando. This results in frustration at not being able to respond and when there is no outlet, frustration turns inward leading to situational depression and existential angst about the meaning of our lives and fear for the safety of our children and grandchildren. These pervasive emotional responses have increased my intense desire, almost compulsion, to watch the news media’s reporting on various topics related to the war in the Middle East and the pro Hamas protests across America. I watch major cable networks like CNN, MSNBC, NPR, Fox News and I/24 the Israeli channel. Friends also read Al Jazeera, the Jerusalem Post, and The Times of Israel, not to mention the various electronic and print media outlets that are available to us 24/7.

In addition, I scan social media sights like Facebook, Twitter, “doom scrolling” long into the night to see if there’s any other information I might have missed. I’ve realized that my reaction to people’s posts differs greatly based on my level of agreement/disagreement. If I agree, I’ll send a like or even comment with fervor, or, when I see a post that goes against my belief or is antisemitic, I react with anger. These emotions are going on all day and night/everyday day and night since the war began.

Last night, I awoke early in the morning. I made the mistake of grabbing my cell phone that lies on the nightstand to check if anything new has developed. Big mistake! A friend of mine had a post on Facebook that sent my blood pressure through the roof. I put my phone down, laid my head on my pillow, mind racing, tossing, and turning. I couldn’t turn it off… I couldn’t fall asleep.

I can’t help watching, flipping the channels to see what’s happening on a daily basis. I have relatives living in Jerusalem, Tel Aviv, and near Haifa and my sister is over there with my niece, two children and her husband who is serving in Gaza at this writing.

Again disbelief. I never thought that in my long life, that I would see antisemitism rise in America like it has today. It has also risen its ugly head all over the world. I must admit, I feel threatened personally. There are armed guards at my synagogue every Shabbat and anytime we host an event. I think of my children and my grandchildren and I’m worrying about a future full of threats from the right and the left to destroy our people.

I think about my great-grandparents and my grandparents who emigrated from Russia/Ukraine and Austria to escape the pogroms in Russia at the turn of the 20th century. When they talk of what they lived through, I wonder where were the protesters then?

I think about my grandfather who at 17 years old served in the American army. For the first time he could fight for freedom and against the tyranny that they endured. My thoughts turn to my father who also enlisted before graduating high school to serve in active combat in the South Pacific. He was wounded, received a purple heart, and came home sometime in 1945 with recurring malaria so bad he couldn’t work for three years.

They wanted to assimilate, to make their way in a country that insured their freedom and human rights. Both my grandfather and father were proud, proud they served as Jews in the American Army. They fought the Nazi’s and won. The world was rid of the threat, or so we thought. My father at one time told me that there are people in this world who wouldn’t think twice about killing a baby, or child, just because they had Jewish blood. They contributed to the defeat of the Nazi’s and now here we are in 2024’s America fearing for our lives again.

On the news, a student protester stated emphatically that all Zionist should be killed. I have an associate who is Christian and she’s a Zionist … that means her too. …

Anger. I have a small Smith and Wesson 9 mm handgun and I go to the range every once in a while, to keep up my skills. It’s for home protection. I’m going to purchase a larger pistol that can hold more rounds. There is a man I met who is called the Pew Pew Jew. Based out of Texas, he’s an orthodox Jewish man who is advocating for Jews to arm themselves for protection. His mission is to bring awareness to Jews, to arm us and teach us how to use weapons. He has a product line, of tee shirts and novelties. One shirt reads, “People with AR’s don’t get in Cattle Cars.” Another reads, “I was just following orders.” The third, “Never Again!” (See - Pewpewjew.com.)

I’ve thought to myself, should we as Jews resurrect the Jewish Defense League? Perhaps not as radical, but rather more like the Guardian Angels, so we can have a network of Jews who could respond rapidly to threats. I’m ready to fly up north to protect those students. If we organized, couldn’t this be accomplished? Or, when a call is made to mobilize Jews around the country to come and protest or counter protest at a moment’s notice. Why couldn’t we descend on the agitators with 100,000 Jews, peacefully counter protesting? I’m angry at what’s happening and now the only thing I can do is vote and donate to our causes.

Depression. I’m normally a rather positive person, who has lived a rather happy/fulfilling life. Now I’m feeling so down about the state of the world. I think about the hostages taken on that horrible day. I can’t keep out of my mind the horror they’ve endured, and I feel so sorry. I wish there was something I could do. But I can’t. I think of the six million who died horrible deaths…and here we go again.

Angst/Fear. I’m fearful for myself, my children, and grandchildren and the world that they will live in. I thought we were moving forward. Advances in technology should have improved our lives, yet, perhaps on the flip side social media has been a catalyst for the virulent antisemitism that has come alive once again. Maybe it was always under the surface, but I believe the radical Islamist that was somewhat backward and isolated to the middle east, can now through advances in air travel, and internet communications among other things, now touch us, touch us so deeply that they’ve penetrated the minds of many of our youth. How can the universities allow this to happen?

I fear for my children and grandchildren as one of my sons has embraced orthodoxy. He and my daughter-in-law and young children walk to shul. They are visible when they walk on the street to temple on Friday evenings and on Shabbat. My son carries a gun in his tallis case. I’m told about a third of the congregants are now packing.

When we go to synagogue now, many congregations have hired armed professional security to stand guard at the front door, just in case. Many synagogues and Jewish institutions have had threats … and in highly publicized cases have been attacked … in America. We think, ‘It won’t happen here … It won’t happen to us’ … yet look what happened in Pittsburg only a few years back, and I could go on.

My emotions weigh heavily on me. However, we must live our lives … focus on ourselves, our loved ones, and our community. In essence we must go on with our lives. But now I’ll be looking over my shoulder, I’ll be a little more aware of my surroundings. I keep thinking about the tee shirt that says, “People with AR’s don’t get in cattle cars.” OY! I guess living in this new world I’ll embrace the statement made after the Holocaust, “Never Again!” Damn right… you can count on… I’ll be packing.

If any of you share these feelings and have wondered what to do about them, please write in to the paper (news@orlandoheritage.com) or write directly to the author (edwardborowsky@gmail.com). Perhaps we can analyze the ideas that you send and from this derive strategies, tactics and procedures that will help us all respond to these threats quickly and effectively. The best way to reduce these negative feelings is to do something positive.